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Monthly Archives: November 2012

These pictures were taken this summer 2012 in between Mud Bay and Centennila Beach.  We biked on our way through the farmlands, which is how it is out here.  How I miss summer. It is cold today.

Now the Vancouver Regional District has sunshine the last 2 days.  In a lull between the rain that seems endless. I will never forget how on October 8, 2012 as I sat in Hyland Park with Mark and felt the hot sun on my skin.  It was very warm and dry.  Sun rays and heat felt very good.  We wore shorts. The following day, it literally turned gray, cold, and different as night and day.  The following week became gray and cold. We had to wear jeans and coats. From then on October and November became, gray wet and cold. 


Ann said “The rain doesn’t bother people down here. Keeps them away” (to attend events at the Carnegie where Heart of the City Festival takes place mostly). Hard core Vancouverites at the Carnegie Centre, I said. The rain stops me to go anywhere…Rained a lot all day yesterday. She read her poems at an open mic a week ago.


I ride a bike.  To ride in rain is not good, during and afterwards mostly.  Levi jeans feel soggy, wet.  Cold.  I try to avoid to ride the bike in the rain.  Cannot afford rain weather clothes. Use the lulls in the rain to ride somewhere. 


Busy a lot this week. Was real busy during October 22-28th.  VIMAF 2012 happened last night. Volunteered as a still photographer. Talked with Eugene Boulanger about it to help out.


An article I wrote for Honoring Indigenous Women, an on line magazine in Toronto, Canada is  to be published in magazine #2 in 2013, the first published article in Canada.  In the past, have had some articles published.  It is a big deal because this does not happen often.  So glad. A way to get the word out about Indigenous issues. 


My videos do not get accepted a lot into film and video festivals such as Illegal Anger and The Graffiti.  I think it is the aesthetics of it all.  Conservative.  I do not fit anywhere.  I think Indigenous people are conservative in their aesthetic point-of-views and the rest as well.  Not all are like that but most of them are. The world follows the classical style of drama and documentary structure.


Jobs. I have applied and tried for jobs in my field in Surrey but I do not obtain them. I am qualified for sure.  It is hard to keep on going to look for jobs.  The last one… I may not have worked with children and teenagers that much but I have experienced it at least once.  I do not know what Surrey Arts Park and Recreation looks for. I know what young people are like.  The result of that summer program in Chinle, Arizona on the Navajo Reservation where I taught arts, primarily dance was successful.  I choreographed a dance from a Dirty Dancing song sound track. I liked the kids very much. The job was very difficult to do.  I do not know how I did it.


In 2011, I got more into modern dance. Attended Joe Ink/Move It’s dance workshop. I loved that because I love dance. Dance workshop was free.  For me the expense of the class was the travelling, to and fro into Vancouver. Cost of things matter.  Otherwise, I cannot do it. This year I got more into still photography.  Good.  I have always liked still photography.  Still photography is a profession which never let me in, to find work and survive. I am an artist, primarily a filmmaker. Filmmaking replaced it.  Filmmaking has not always been a constant employment to survive in either, but it has been more successful than still photography. The best job happened at Columbia Pictures under David Puttnam, where I was employed for a year as a producer from 1987-1988.  I learned a lot.  It paid my rent, food, gas and other expenses to live on.  It is what every person in film-video seeks.


2012 year I stepped up the reading of books. The first time I read books a lot; I was fourteen-fifteen years old. A memory: on Friday night at my parent’s home in Phoenix, Arizona, I sat at a kitchen table with my feet propped up on the opposite kitchen chair under the table.  Kitchen table was clean and cleared. Everyone else watched television.  I was ready to read my book, my Friday night entertainment.  The second time I read intensely, I had a producers job at Columbia Pictures in 86-77 in Los Angeles. I read novels written by Indigenous women, which were more available than Indigenous men at the time.  After 1988, I never picked up the same amount of reading books again. I do not know why. It just happened. So during 2010-2012 I made up for the lack of reading books. Economically in 2011 I could not afford to watch television anymore which is why too. Expensive fees are attached to watch television. I am low income. Actually I miss watching television.  Television and film are my fields to analyze trends and types of shows. I developed and liked some favorite television shows such as “Dancing With the Stars, Nature, America’s Top Model” and feature film dramas. Books are expensive to purchase.  To alleviate this cost, I checked out books and DVDs from the local library to read and view.  Thank you: libraries of the world to save the day.


Lately I read four books: Baby Panther, Life of Rebellion and Reinvention by Jamal Joseph, Subversives, The FBI’s War on Student Radicals and Reagan’s Rise to Power by Seth Rosenfeld, Private Bradley Manning Wikileaks by Denver Nicks and Bolivia, Refounding the Nation by Kepa Artaraz, all published during 2012. All are great these books, except for Subversives, The FBI’s War on Student Radicals and Reagan’s Rise to Power and Private Bradley Manning Wikileaks.  An observation, what I find disturbing is the lack of or the exclusion of contemporary historical information in regards to Indigenous peoples in the 60’s and 70’s in the US. Documentaries are similar.  Indigenous people participated in the revolution as well during the late 60’s and early 70’s.  It put us on the map again.  We did not vanish. We never did.  Propaganda. I see this done over and over by supposedly smart authors about the 60’s and 70’s histories. It goes to show, to be polite, people, writers and filmmakers are not informed as they think they are or this exclusion is done on purpose.


Basically I still try in ways to make it as an artist.  I do not have huge amounts of work like Ingmar Bergman, but does it really matter? Maybe to males and the mainstream public it matters? Viewed a documentary last night about Bergman’s life within the menu of the Wild Strawberries dvd.  Wild Strawberries was released in 1959. I like some of his films.  Most of the world is run by heterosexual men.  Film and video is dominated by males.  That is why it is difficult to be an Indigenous artist like myself.  Sometimes it is difficult to keep up the hope to keep on.  I think knowing certain people in my life, fellow artists such as Ann and Shelley helps me to believe in humanity.  These are not Indigenous people.  Otherwise, I do not believe in humanity.  Where is the proof?  I am not Christian.  I believe in the Indigenous way, the Creator.  Even Indigenous people let down a lot but I try not to let it get to me.  It does.  It is so disappointing.  To keep on trying in the blind darkness. Small victories.  They help.